“WE are free from defects. WE can only be accepted as is… Your co-operation will contribute to the effective utilisation of our natural resources… WE will instruct you… WE will not be blocked…”
What have we signed up for? Who holds the power and responsibility to keep things running in the face of breakdown and decay? Perhaps this is the rule of law. Perhaps it is a disguise for oppression…
The text contains samples of commercial warranty statements (a refrigerator, a camera, an amplifier and a sailboard). The video features a decommissioned Reichert ultramicrotome, used for cutting sections of biological specimens for imaging with an electron microscope, and a deconstructed Epson inkjet printer.
Warranty & Conditions of Use
WE are free from defects.
WE cannot be re-assigned.
WE can only be accepted as is.
For a period of time, WE will comprehensively record your conditions & make a determination on your return to OUR jurisdiction.
WE will require rigid proof that your claims are based on the highest standards of production.
WE will not suffer misuse, unauthorised modification, improper handling, any blow or impact or excessive exposure to sunlight.
WE have exclusivity.
WE have indemnity, whatever the cause.
WE will not be limited.
Nothing shall infringe OUR rights.
In case of accident or risk of shock, WE will remain operational.
WE will hand you over on a one-for-one basis.
and your co-operation will contribute to the effective utilisation of OUR natural resources.
WE comply with all regulations & thresholds as specified in the relevant directives.
Accordingly, WE will legislate to reduce any further interference.
However, WE alone can compress, evaporate, filter & resist external corrosion.
WE will instruct you.
Fitness for practical purposes is OURS.
Note that WE also have young children.
WE are not infirm.
WE may or may not attack, cause you to crack or explode or damage bare skin.
This is not implied.
WE are in. WE are out.
WE may vary from place to place.
WE will not be overloaded.
WE will not fall.
WE will not be blocked.
WE are equipped to perform.